MAKE THE MOST OF HOLIDAY MINGLING!

By Debra Fine

Debra Fine: Keynote Speaker, Trainer & Bestselling Author

The holidays are only weeks away and it’s time for corporate parties, potentially awkward social gatherings …and LOTS of small talk! Are you skilled at keeping the conversation going at holiday parties? Do you spend an abnormal amount of time hiding out in the bathroom or hanging out at the buffet table at social gatherings? Does the thought of striking up a conversation with a stranger make your stomach do flip-flops? Do you sit nervously through job interviews waiting for the other person to speak? Are you a "Nervous Ned or Nellie" when it comes to networking? If so, it's time you mastered The Fine Art of Small Talk.

When meeting new people – or even socializing with old acquaintances – starting conversations can make many people feel nervous or apprehensive.  For many of us, it's difficult to enter a room and only be met with strangers.  Meeting new people and engaging in conversation with them can be exhausting and overwhelming. But, it does not have to be this way. Skilled small talkers turn holiday gatherings into opportunities for success.  In fact, they realize that these holiday functions are great for networking and meeting interesting people.  

Whether you are at a business meet-and-greet or a client’s open house, you can use conversational skills as a tool to build new connections – all while avoiding awkward pauses and uncomfortable conversations.  After all, any relationship – business or social – starts with small talk.

Mastering the art of small talk is not only essential in forming new relationships, but also in creating lasting positive impressions. Great small talkers are made, not born.

The next time you find yourself at a holiday function, try one of my top ten icebreakers:

1.  “How do you know the host/hostess?”
2.  “What are some of your family holiday traditions?”
3.  “Bring me up to date about your family/work.”
4.  “Tell me about your plans for this holiday season.…”
5.  “What do you enjoy most about the holiday season?  Why?”
6.  “What do you have planned for the upcoming year?”
7.  “What are your typical holiday festivities.…”
8.  “What special gifts do you plan to give this year?”
9.  “What was the best gift you ever received?  Why?”
10. “How does the holiday season affect your work/industry/family?”

Once the conversation is flowing, follow these important tips to ensure further small talk success and skip out on any awkward silences:

• Don’t crash the conversation: Take your time, and be sure to remember names and use them frequently during conversations. This is not a rush to the finish line, it’s a graceful dance.
• Show interest and be your interesting self: By showing an interest, you are creating a favorable impression of yourself. People, even shy ones, like to talk about themselves, so let them. Even if you’re not into the party, be your charming, energetic self to keep the conversation positive.
• Always be prepared (yes, like a boyscout): Before entering an event, take a couple minutes and think of at least three conversation topics. Remind yourself of what you may already know about fellow attendees: their hobbies, careers, or interests.  If you happen to encounter an uncomfortable silence, these conversation points will always come in handy.  
• Connect with eye contact…and hold it: Eye contact is an easy way to make others feel comfortable, important, and special. It’ll show you care and are engaged.
• Try to confide in your confidence….and show it: Nervous body language (twisting your hair, slouching shoulders, constant hand rubbing) can make those around you uncomfortable and anxious.  Try to be aware of your body language when interacting with others.
• Listen…and then talk: By listening intently to what others are saying, you are not only making them feel important, but you can gather the cues you need to keep the conversation going and bridge to new topics.  
• Be a showstopper, without stealing the show: Make witty jokes, tell riveting stories, and be personable, but make sure you also give everyone an opportunity to speak.  If someone is monopolizing a conversation, wait for a pause or until that person takes a breath, and then make a comment that can steer the conversation in a new direction.  Or, include someone who has not been heard from by asking, “What has been going on in your department?” or “What are your views on this issue?”
• Be appropriate and non-confrontational: In certain settings, some topics may not be suitable.  Be careful when asking about spouses and romantic relationships, because you may end up regretting it. Instead ask: “What’s been going on with the family?” In most situations it’s best to avoid religious, political, and economic topics, as it can quickly dampen a party. And, be certain of someone’s employment status before you start questioning him/her about work. Instead, ask questions that prevent “foot in mouth” disease like: “Bring me up-do-date on your work” or “What’s been going on with work?”
• Don’t interrogate a conversational counterpart: Questions like: “Where are you from?” “Are you married?” “What do you do for a living?” can stop a conversation before it even starts.
• Respect the guests: Not everyone agrees on every topic, and friendly disagreements can be a gateway to interesting banter. Offer your opinion of your favorite football team, the state of public education today, or the future of the space program. But. Be sure to follow-up with “What do you think?” or “Tell me your opinion.”
• Make a graceful exit: Once you're comfortable with small talk, you will probably want to mingle with several people around the room. Ask for a referral to remove yourself from conversation, like: “Who do you know at this event that comes from a financial background?” If this produces a referral, then you are on your way. If not, you are still on your way with: “I need to locate fellow financial gurus in order to help me understand the information presented at the general session today. It was very nice meeting you.” Fearful of hurting someone’s feelings? Ask them to join you: “I need to get some coffee, would you like to join me?” They can decline or join you, but at least you are moving around the room.

While the holidays can be a stressful time for all of us, following just a few of these tips can remove the social gathering dread and actually help set you up for success in the coming new year. Now, get out there and make some new connections!

About Debra Fine: Debra Fine is a former engineer, turned small talk specialist. In her engineering profession she often found herself in awkward situations, not understanding the art of engaging with her peers at social gatherings. Debra has applied the same level of study to social engagement as she did to engineering, and she now travels the globe teaching others how to turn small talk into big opportunities. She is the author of The Fine Art of Small Talk: How to Start a Conversation, Keep It Going, Build Rapport -- And Leave a Positive Impression. Give your staff or association membership the gift of small talk! For fees and availability for Debra, email Gina Davilla at gina@thekeynoteshop.com.

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